Keeping with tradition

October 2, marked the 5th year since my mother's passing. My grandfather passed away on the 1st, 14 years earlier. Every year is tough but for some reason this particular year seemed to be the toughest so far. I couldn't tell you why. Each year since her passing I try to do something positive that day usually something to do with raising money for a cause or participating in something on behalf of cancer. Stomach cancer robbed us of her very quickly, really only gave us enough time to say goodbye and that was it. To be honest the whole thing is a blur even now, 5 years later I can only remember pieces of time. One memory that I often reflect on, is one of the last mornings I had with her, she made me toast and peanut butter, with milk, for breakfast one last time. We just sat there staring at eachother not really saying anything; just absorbing that moment and remembering every laugh line and gray hair she had. She was starting to look frail, I didn't want to leave, but she made me. She wanted me to go back to Calgary and live my life as normal as possible, until she called me back. It was the worst time of my life. I flew back and put on my happy face for my friends, I didn't want anyone to know how I was torn up inside, how I didn't want to be anywhere else but with her. But she didn't want me there, she didn't want me to remember her that way, she didn't want me to be changed in a negative way which was what she felt would happen if I stayed and helped her. I wish I was able to convince her otherwise, even now, but she was a stubborn lady and I was to grant her last wishes. I had to prove I was strong. I did make it back, and was with her right up until her final breath. I had been up the previous four nights, my brother and I switching off trying to rest, but who can sleep in that situation. It was awful, and yet strangely peaceful for her. Finally a nurse came to the house to relieve us, and she told me to go to bed it was 11:55am on a Saturday morning. I didn't want to, but the nurse assured me it was the best thing to do. I laid in my bed and 5 minutes later my brother and stepsister were in my room telling me she was gone.

The following weekend would have been Thanksgiving for us. Mum had planned a dinner before she was taken ill, and we the family decided to hold the dinner in keeping with her tradition. She really loved Thanksgiving, that was the time she could entertain everyone. Christmas was usually at my aunts and this was Mum's holiday. She always incorporated bits of halloween in her dinner. One year she had me pick leaves from outside she wanted to put them on the table. She would have this black cat tealight, burning on the dinning table. There was a black table cloth, and napkins, and she would break out her fine china. The living room would be decorated with the cotton spider webs and what not. The house smelled of turkey, stuffing and gravy. My stepdad would take apart her table and move it to the hallway between the kitchen and living room so we could all spread out.

Each year since her passing I have tried to have a thanksgiving celebration in keeping with her tradition, and putting a bit of my own spin on it. Particularly since I have moved to the U.S. it helps me with my homesickness and gives me something to look forward to around such a tough time of year. The first year Paul and I did it, was I think the best. There we were cramped into our very small 1 bedroom apartment in Chicago, cooking turkey, and veggies turkey on a 90 degree day in October! We had the air conditioner on and were still sweating. We invited about 8 people over, all of us sitting in our living room drinking wine eating this great food, awesome conversation. Of course the black table cloth was on the kitchen table, and the fine china was out and her silver ware. We had decorated a bit for halloween. I could hear my Mum laughing in my head, and picture her smiling, thinking this was her kind of party! Paul was freaking out cause the tofurkey was a little to turkey like for his taste. I have to admit it was pretty darn close. People stayed till about midnight, and it is one of my fondest memories.

Last year, we were living in Champaign, in a much bigger space. We invited Momma B. a couple of new friends we made in town and some great friends who we don't get see as often as we would like who live nearby. I made my first pumpkin pie from scratch, turkey and all the trimmings. It was another VERY hot day. Momma B. came and spent the night with us. Once again it was a great time. Surrounded by wonderful friends, and family. I have to admit I was pretty pleased with myself on the pie. I called my Aunt Barb the night before to ask her advice on making the pie crust. She was pretty impressed I was not only making turkey but the pie from scratch and my mother-in-law was coming and going to eat it. The pressure was on...lol.

This year I wasn't going to do Canadian Thanksgiving. But then Paul said that he really wanted to do it again. This time he wanted to just invite his family. He wanted to share our tradition with them. So next weekend is the big day. Momma B., Paul's brother and his family are coming to town to spend the night and have Canadian Thanksgiving with us. I will attempt to make the Pumpkin pie again...lol, we will see if I can do a repeat performance. There will be turkey and all the trimmings. And in keeping with my Mum's tradition, her black table cloth will dawn the table, along with her fine china. My halloween stuff is always out early, we got the beer chilling in the fridge, and sparkling grape juice for the kids. Something my Mum loved to have around for the kids at family dinners. It means a lot to me to have Paul's family come down to spend this holiday with us. More I am sure then they will ever know. To me nothing is more healing than laughter, friends and family. This is what my Mum wanted, was for us to keep her memory alive and keep laughing. Don't worry, be happy! This is what I am doing this year to honour her memory.

Happy Thanksgiving.
(Mum on her first hike, while visiting me in Banff 2001)